Girl

When I hear the song Girl by John Lennon it haunts with the unrelenting tormented rapture I spent those years with my first soulmate. I was stuck in the environ of an Elvis movie everyone expected us to live in those days, until John Lennon educated me about what life was really about. The song sums up perfectly my relationship with my soulmate as if it was the whole soundtrack of the movie never made about us. You can sum up the song and my years with her in one seductive sentence.

Life is for living.

And all that it implies.

We were both very religious and that made the relationship all the more intriguing. It was with religious wonderment that we entered the domain of sin and the deeper the sin the more it haunted us, but all the more was the allure. Somehow the depth of feeling seemed purer as we plunged where love was felt with more conviction knowing we shared a passion worth going to hell for.

And we went to hell and back.

It Could Happen To You

Been a busy time of late. Sort of enjoyed it though. Observing myself along the way too. Enjoyed that too. Took a breather last night. Listened to the Astros win on the radio, then watched one of my favorite not real old oldies. It Could Happen To You, Nicholas Cage and Brigitte Fonda with Rosie Perez.

I've always loved that movie. How the cop fell for the waitress and love prevailed. How love changed Brigitte Fonda's life and attitude. It was corny but in a believable way and it felt very good to believe it and it made me believe again.

I looked at myself now compared to when I first saw that movie. It's from the mid-nineties, and I saw it around 2000. How I've changed, even though I'm still mostly me. But I've changed from letting go of things more. Figuring out better what makes for happiness, the real kind, and what is trying to kill you.

And the way they loved people. That seemed believable too. That maybe you can't love everyone, but you can love so many more than you ever believed.

It was so heart warming to watch them fall in love, like it should be, but then to see them meet accidentally in the Plaza Hotel and then make idle chatter and small talk, looking for a reason to stay together a little longer, and then, not finding any, rushed to each other anyway to hold and kiss and exchange love vows. You cry for joy.

And when they are being sued in court and Rosie Perez' lawyer asks Brigitte Fonda what she thinks of Nicholas Cage and all the reasons she gives how he saved her life in a sense by being the things he is, generous, caring, warm, and when pressured how she just came out and said that she loved him. Pure Hollywood but pure perfect.

I want this in my life. That's what I want with my life. Who doesn't, but that's what I want. Highest priority in my life is for that.

To let go of the trivial things trying to kill you that makes them not trivial at all, and to see better what true happiness is. It equates with true lovingness. And true love.